Guilt of happiness

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 "I laughed, I enjoyed, I cherished, and I felt guilty."


Wikipedia defines happiness as a positive and pleasant emotion, ranging from contentment to intense joy. It is a state of well-being and satisfaction that is often accompanied by a sense of fulfilment and inner peace. 

We feel "happy" when we are with our loved ones. We feel "happy" when we eat good food. We feel "happy" when we see a cute dog. We feel happy. But what would you call that bittersweet feeling of guilt because of our happiness?

This bittersweet feeling has been weighing on my shoulders for too long. The feeling of guilt because I chose to spend my time feeling happy instead of being productive. The feeling of guilt when I bought new clothes because of a void inside me told me I don’t deserve them; I haven’t worked hard for them.

Do you have this bittersweet feeling?

How can happiness be associated with the polar opposite word?

I vividly remember when a friend praised my blog. I felt unworthy of the praise, even though I had spent a week contemplating it. A feeling of guilt crept in. I couldn’t get myself to embrace the validation. It felt like my mind couldn’t process any kind of happiness or validation. My mind was continually reminded of the better things I could have done with my time.

Is it okay to feel bittersweet about our happiness?

I can’t seem to shake off this mix of emotions. This constant battle of happiness and guilt. It is all overwhelming. It feels like I have been trapped in a never-ending cycle of questioning my choices. It’s like I am trying to balance a chemical equation, knowing it will never reach equilibrium. I feel like I am a hamster stuck in a loop of disputing my happiness. 

Is my happiness real, or is it just a fleeting feeling?

For a long time, I had chosen to ignore this unnecessarily strong feeling of guilt. However, now I think it is necessary to recognize this guilt. 

I have chosen to admit my guilt and happiness. 

Everyone forever tells us to be productive, to never waste time, and to work 48 hours in a 24-hour day. It is funny how our society puts productivity on a pedestal, even if it means getting burned out. We are bombarded with these quotes and messages saying that productivity leads to success and happiness. As good as these quotes sound, they feel ridiculous to me.  I feel we have this obsession with tiring ourselves to attain illusionistic happiness. 

Is it worth it to sacrifice our health in favor of productivity?  

This guilt of happiness is an emotion I don't think I'll ever be able to shake, but I have a feeling everything will be okay.

As humans, we are bound to feel emotions, and those emotions don't inevitably have to be happy. 

Sometimes, 

Feeling unworthy is okay.

Feeling sad is okay.

Feeling guilty is okay.

Guilt over happiness is okay. 

~Vidushi Anand

 

 

Comments

  1. AnonymousAugust 14, 2023 at 11:42 PM

    Sounds like necessary justification.
    It's great for short term , but bittersweet Poison it becomes after a time.
    so aware🙂

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. AnonymousSeptember 5, 2023 at 7:07 PM

      well damnnn, thats so relatable and beautiful ❤️

      Delete
  2. someoneSeptember 5, 2023 at 10:38 PM

    noticing and questioning small things, thats the real beauty of life ✨, beautiful work ❤️

    ReplyDelete

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