Words

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 A word once scared me. 


Terror took over me every time I tried to utter the word. I felt anxious and nervous if I had to say it. I felt overwhelmed thinking about this word.

In retrospect, I don’t think I was ever intimidated by the word. I was intimidated by the people who never missed an opportunity to make me feel small. I was afraid of people belittling me.

"What if I say it wrong? What would they think about me? Will they think I am dumb?"

I thought thrice before saying the word. I was endlessly thinking of alternate ways of resisting the use of the word rather than facing it.

You might say that it was wrong of me. I should have faced this dilemma instead of averting it. I should have practiced. I shouldn't have run from my problems.

The 17-year-old Vidushi agrees with you. But the 12-year-old Vidushi does not.

Why would she?

All the continuous nagging of people around her about being scared of a word. People made her the laughingstock of the group. "Vidushi, say that word, naa." "You still can't pronounce it?" "Say the word; she says it wrong."

She wasn't saying the word wrong on purpose. I promise you; she wasn’t.

That persistent fear of people pointing it out—people laughing at her scared the little girl. It felt too much for her.

All the fear that she felt still lives in 17-year-old Vidushi. It is wide awake. I still think three times before uttering any word.

‘What if I say this word wrong? What if they think I am weird for saying a word wrong? Will they like me if they hear how I sound?’ 

The anguish comes alive now and then when I meet a new person.

It’s a constant battle between me and my voice box.

Though I am still learning to accept the way I speak, I have understood that others' opinions about me will vary. There will always be people who make fun of me, and that’s okay. They are simply reflecting on their insecurities.

Moreover, this "flaw" of mine makes me who I am.

The averting of one word taught me many. It planted a tomato plant for me, and every tomato enlightened me with a new word.

The word did scare me, but standing up for myself no longer scared me. 

During a self-defense class, the instructor told us that the best survival skill is to know how to run away. I feel it is somewhere applicable in real life.

Yes, running away from an issue will not kill the issue, but I feel it would give you the endurance to fight back stronger than ever. 

Running away from your problems is not a bad thing. You do not have to face your fears right away. One fine day, when you feel courageous enough, fight.

A word scared me; a word might be scaring you.

 ~Vidushi Anand

...

To be honest, this blog is less about a word. From childhood we learn that we have to face our fears, we have to be brave, and We shouldn’t run from our problems but what if those problems feel too big to handle? What if we are not ready for them? Does that make us a coward? 

Is going to a battle with no arms the right thing to do? Is taking on more than we can handle the right thing to do? 

Is sometimes giving up for a while the right thing to do? 

 

Comments

  1. AnonymousJune 27, 2023 at 11:50 AM

    I like this piece. Generally we see a lot of content around us on how we shouldn't give up and just keep going. No one really talks about the other side. Very appreciative.

    ReplyDelete

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